Episode Notes

Coming to you from Whidbey Island, Washington this is Stories From Women Who Walk: true-life, practical, funny, heart-breaking, insightful human experience stories from women who are walking their lives while their lives walk them and the lasting difference these journeys have made. You’ll recognize yourself in stories of adversity, challenge, fear, discovery, adventure, expression, and more. Why? Because, the sorcery of stories is this: they help each of us to be seen and heard, to understand and be understood. I’m your host, Diane Wyzga.

Today my guest is Heidi Frei who’s joining us from Phoenix, Arizona. Ours seems to be a world made of couples. And yet, some of us – including your host – are quite single. While some women might look at their single state with disappointment, Heidi has created a life work out of being single. She calls herself “The voice for the joys and challenges of the single life.” Heidi created the Single Soul Circle to empower single women to live their lives without fear. Along the way she became a blogger, podcaster, committed planker, and more! Let’s hear how Heidi figured out the way to spin the so-called straw of being single into gold. Welcome to the podcast, Heidi!

Minute 30:36

00 to 2:00     Intro

2:00 to 4:25     Start From Where You Are

Q: If I met up with you on a hiking trail in Arizona what’s the first thing I’d notice?

• Heidi’s confidence
• Heidi would approach me; would be interested in meeting someone new and hearing their story. That’s a big part of her life.

Q: And if we had some time to walk along together what else might I get to know about you?

• Heidi’s has a passion for single people
• Travel
• Being an aunt (!)
• Writing
• Podcasting

Q: And when we parted ways what would I remember about you as I walked on alone?

• Heidi’s stories learned while wandering through life
• This is not the life she envisioned for herself, but has taken in and taken advantage of the experiences and opportunities
• Finding the joy around the corner
• The host would leave feeling encouraged with all the opportunities life has for us

4:25 to 8:45     The Back Story. We All Have One. What’s Yours?

Women typically have a back story that’s brought us to the present story. Wandering and walking led to the start of Heidi’s blog, appreciation for walking, wandering and the sabbatical.  So that we have some context for the life story you’ve been walking, share with us the role wandering has played in your life and this sabbatical

• Heidi was a baby who ran before she walked and running was her thing
• Heidi discovered walking when she took month-long sabbatical to figure out what next to find purpose, joy
• Visited California, New York and began walking and found things
• Labyrinth in Santa Barbara brought clarity
• Lost creativity along way and found it on this sabbatical
• Enjoyed writing as a kid and lost that too
• Discovered she was called to write a blog
• A shift for Heidi was letting go of control, the itinerary
• Something was saying Go With the Flow
• Found parks and street art which led to relaxation
• Heidi related this to Life: you don’t need to plan everything out. It’s not easy but a good lesson
• Joy comes from wandering

8:35 to 11:20     3 Joys in Scandinavia 2019

• 2 weeks in Scandinavia is life changing: a Virgo planner learns to go with the flow
• Fjords: enjoying the beauty, watching and letting go of presenting the perfect picture
• Wandering to a place on a hill in Stockholm that felt private and local; brings up where is a place to go and let go when she returns to home
• Food! Was not a coffee drinker – not at all – but discovered it in Scandinavia and developed a habit – a break in the day – something to look forward to every morning
• Heidi’s coffee ritual includes special mugs from her niece
• A shout-out to Green Tree Coffee in Lincolnville, Maine

11:20 to 15:00     Tips for Wandering

Q: Heidi has tips for wandering in everyday life posted on her website. What was the purpose? How did it come to be to suggest tips for wandering in one’s everyday life to build up the courage to let go more often?

• Heidi began by choosing to face a fear and get out of her comfort zone to try something new
• Started podcasting to get out from behind being a solitary writer; there was so much to learn and put out in the world
• Heidi’s own 60 second recordings were a way to hear her own voice and hear the energy she has around certain topics to guide her
• Many lessons learned with the podcasting risk, have her voice out there
• Wandering is also facing a fear and trying something new
• Heidi also suggests try on different clothes, give a friend a call, little work-a-day things to embrace what might feels scary only because they’re unfamiliar
• Especially in COVID is a good idea to reach out to those on the sidelines of your life
• You end up feeling good about the re-connect
• Here are some others you’ll find on Heidi’s website:
• Pick a random book and read it
• Try a new recipe
• Talk to someone you don’t know at a networking event or attend a meet-up
• Drive a different way to work and take notice of the new surroundings (safely, of course)
• Pick a weekend day, don’t plan anything and just do whatever feels good from moment to moment with no expectations for yourself
• Listen to a podcast that has nothing to do with your interests or profession
• Walk around a park
• Try on clothes that are not your typical style
• Go to the grocery store or florist and stop and smell the flowers

14:45 to 21:15      Single Soul Circle

Heidi wants to make sure to share how society seems to show pity toward single women and focus on their marital status, rather than all the wonderful things they are enjoying in their lives. Q: Which came first? Single Soul Circle or your feelings that society isn’t kind toward single women, we should all be in couples

• Heidi always felt stigma around being single.
• Focus is in getting hitched up; what’s wrong with you not fitting in to society of couples?
• With COVID and sheltering in and being locked down; but we are not all at home with a family and enjoying some new bonding experiences; some of us are alone
• The single segment is ignored
• COVID required everyone to give up something; and single people lost out, too
• Being locked down is a big loss to singles who can’t be out to meet others, water cooler chit chat at the office, connect, socialize, more often required to create a scheduled time
• Met so many single people who are doing amazing career things; why should the focus be on the marital status when there are so many talented, gifted, creative singles out there?

Q: How is it that women are single by choice, by design;  and how come there is the focus or emphasis on being partnered?

• Heidi aims to keep getting out in the world what singles are doing apart from the dating scene
• Heidi would like a relationship at some point; meanwhile, is doing so much with her life
• If any of these stories help people to live your life as a single person then that’s a very good use of time
• Recounts an acquaintance who came off rough divorce, being able to find herself as a single woman and eventually embrace a better relationship
• Dating is an important element for singles but it is not the whole game
• Heidi hopes the stories encourage other women
• It is brave to end a relationship that isn’t healthy or good for them
• Let’s celebrate all the amazing things single people can do; an opportunity to look inside themselves, do some healing

Host: there’s a balance whether by choice, design or default a woman who is single may want relationship or not but at the end of the day it’s all possible: have a companion and so on. Just because one doesn’t have a significant other doesn’t mean you won’t travel, enjoy events, cook a good meal. It’s a duality that Heidi is encouraging with Single Soul Circle. Maybe it’s The Chapter of Singlehood

21:15 to 27:37     COVID and post-COVID      [NOTE: this episode is being aired 5 months after it was taped so Heidi’s feelings like so many of us pre-vaccine may still be there or may have shifted just slightly because we’re not out of the woods]

Q: Given the COVID situation what are some of the issues, concerns, and challenges for single women overall?

• Isolation
• Heidi feels the seriousness of the lock down; “bubbles” are difficult for friendships because it feels clique-y
• Heidi has friends from so many groups who also have own bubble which complicates the safey
• Heidi’s worry: worry: am I being judged? Am I being clear with my friends? Do they understand that I love them, would like to see them  and yet COVID is a different situation
• Can make it til the vaccine arrives
• There are days of loneliness and days of resilience, days when her strength fails missing hugging, having a meal with someone

23:50 to 27:25     Single Women & Holidays

Q: We’re coming into the holidays 2020, what that means and how it may still apply even with vaccines. What might you share about single women and holidays generally

• Connecting is key!
• Heidi set up a Facebook group to connect
• Friday night virtual happy hour: working well sharing books, shows to binge, navigating the new waters, sharing, coming together, meeting new people, getting to know their stories
• Women come and sit in and share silly things, serious things
• Can show off new lipstick on Zoom calls
• Conversations about parents and how to help them
• Something to look forward to at week’s end
• You end up feeling loved going into the weekend
• Even when COVID wanes your friends will get you through
• Important to build networks
• Friends can be more fun than a boyfriend; let’s be clear!

27:25 to 33:45      Single Soul Circle Coming Into It’s Own

It sounds like the Single Soul Circle has come into its own. The idea of a circle is inclusive, a safe place, a space where you can sit inside. We do so many things in circles: dance, tell stories, sit around a campfire, quilt or knit. Single Soul Circle has come into its own by inviting single women into a space to breathe, thrive, commune, grieve  and celebrate. 

Q: Did you ever expect this?  

Here we are, at the end of the road but not the journey. Thank you for listening to Part 1 of this episode of Stories From Women Who Walk with your host Diane Wyzga and my guest Heidi Frei, creator of Single Soul Circle, podcaster, blogger and inspirational woman for the joys of living single. Please take a few moments to check out Heidi’s website and podcast to learn more and perhaps join in together. All links to social media are in the Episode Notes.

You’re also invited to visit my website Quarter Moon Story Arts and check out over 325 episodes of Stories From Women Who Walk found there, on Simplecast or your favorite podcast platform. This is the place to thrive together. Come for the stories – stay for the magic. Speaking of magic, I hope you’ll subscribe, follow, share a nice shout out on your social media or podcast channel of choice, and join us next time! You will have wonderful company as we walk our lives together!

Production Team: Quarter Moon Story Arts

Music: Entering Erdenheim from Crossing the Waters by Steve Schuch & Night Heron Music

Sound Editing: Dawin Carlisle & First Class Reels

All content and image © 2019 – Present: for credit and attribution Quarter Moon Story Arts

About the Guest

About Heidi Frei

Heidi Frei is the founder of Single Soul Circle, which includes a blog, podcast and Facebook community. Single Soul Circle is the voice for the joys and challenges of the single life. Heidi has been single for 46 years and felt the single community was one that was ignored and sometimes looked upon with pity. She created Single Soul Circle to give women a place to empower each other and create community. The Facebook group has been holding a weekly happy hour every Friday night at 5 PM Mountain Time. If you would like to join this wonderful group of women, you can email Heid or join the Facebook group to be notified of events and take part in our gatherings/discussions.

How to Stay in Touch with Heidi Frei:

Website & Blog: www.singlesoulcircle.com

Podcast: http://single-soul-circle.simplecast.com/

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/singlesoulcircle

Email: singlesoulcircle@gmail.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVMF8xxlsD-pK2xg8kJEyw

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